So I had this neck procedure thing on Thursday morning. Nothing major; just a burning of nerve endings to several of my vertebrae in hope of finding some pain relief. I struggle with back, head and joint pain every day, so I figured that if I can find help with just one of those issues, it might make my quality of life a bit better. Sounds worth a try, right? I should know in about three weeks whether the procedure has worked.
In the meantime, I deal with the not-so-pleasant after-effects of outpatient medical operations. On top of my list isn’t the soreness or the stiffness from needles and injections and the sort. NOPE.
I’m bored.
Bored!
For the past two days (and I have two-to-three more to go) I have been under doctor’s orders to not do anything exerting. No lifting, no work in the yard, no reaching up for things on the shelf… nothing until the nerve endings have a chance to die. I can walk around the property — which is nice — but my balance has been really poor lately, making walking a bit of a challenge. The lovely Mrs. Newton has been on me like a hawk to stop doing things that might hurt me or cause the procedure to be less effective.
At one point in my boredom I blurted out, “I have cabin fever! This is killing me!” She then reminded me that it had only been 12 hours…
Basically, I’m sitting in a recliner browsing for things on Amazon, watching YouTube videos, and wishing I could do stuff. The spring weather here in the Ozarks is getting mighty pleasant, too, making my case of boredom even worse. Feel sorry for me yet?
I wouldn’t! Who wouldn’t want to park in a recliner for a few days?
This guy.
So as I slowly turn into a mushy vegetable, I blog. Here are a few lessons I am learning about myself during this period of time. Maybe you can relate to some!
- I have trouble being physically still. I enjoy working with my hands, whether it is potting plants or digging up rocks or going through bins of random hardware in my workshop. I must stay active, even when it hurts me. I guess I feel like I should be productive with my life, always stretching physical limitations. I don’t want to say that I cannot do something until I truly cannot physically do it anymore.
- I’m not very good at following orders. The doctor says no physical labor, so I interpret that to mean no “hard” physical labor. What’s hard? So yesterday I leveled a water fountain, mixed potting soil, put up deck lights, rode into town with Shannon for lunch, helped her paint a birdhouse, measured our porch columns for decorative skins I plan to make, gathered small rocks for a masonry project, and walked around our property. Last night and today I am suffering the effects of my stubborness. Pain and stiffness. So Shannon has me strapped (kinda) to the recliner today. Growl….
- We have some amazing new friends here in Northwest Arkansas. I think I am finally learning how to let them help me. For most of my adult life I have struggled to accept help from others. I guess it is largely due to my pride. I have always believed I should take care of myself and not be a burden to others. That it is somehow “lazy” to seek help when you need something done — or, worse — that I’m taking advantage of others who have better things to do than take their time to help me with anything. It has been the totally wrong mindset to adopt for life and now, at age 41, I think my self-sufficiency pride is finally cracking. Disability has a way of doing that, you know? I have been totally blessed by friends during the past two days and by prayer and offers of help over the past six months. People care about my well-being and I’m learning that I can be an opportunity for them to serve God. Just today our friends Jesse and Ashlyn came by so Jesse can fix a leak under our kitchen sink. I would normally dig into such a problem with a strange sense of glee, but now is not the right time. So… friends to the rescue!
- I get tired quickly. Ten years ago I worked 10-hour days in an office. I worked many weekends. Just five years ago I worked 12-hour days managing a campground. These days I have four to five hours of labor in me on each “good health day” before my disabilities wear me down to the point of exhaustion. I still march my body past that point but there are always consequences. I find that I need to slow down but the struggle continues!
- Speaking of fatigue and work and adding in identity… I’ve been on a personal quest to identify ways I can work with my hands and still work around my health. Over Christmas break I caught woodworking fever after building birdhouses in my father-in-law’s woodshop. So I’m setting up a workshop here at The Springs to build things. I enjoy creative arts that involve structure but allow personal expression. Cooking, gardening, landscaping and woodworking are right up my alley.
So you can see that things here at home are in a holding pattern right now. I have more time than I want but probably not enough as I need! (People say that healing takes time…) It’s a Catch 22 for someone like me.
Maybe that’s what he should have written on his doctor’s orders. “Catch 22.”
Be God’s!
J.C. Newton 