It’s 4 A.M… and It’s Dark Outside…

For some reason unbeknownst to me, my body keeps waking me up at different early morning hours. Ever had that happen? I can’t stand it. I’d rather sleep! And sleep soundly. But 6 a.m., 5 a.m., 3:45 a.m. (this morning), whatever the time, I cannot seem to go back to sleep — not even with melatonin, hot tea, etc.

So I think. And think some more. And keep thinking until sleep becomes a distant memory. What was I dreaming about, again? Seems a bit hazy at this point…

This morning I had a few thoughts I think I’ll share, though nothing earth-shattering or super deep. I’m thinking that…

  1. …that hummingbirds have pretty darn good eyesight. They’re kind of the cats of the air. I stepped outside about 5:45 a.m. for a brisk (it was 46 degrees here) flashlight stroll around my cabin and what did I hear? Well, besides the freaky dinosaur-like roars coming from the forest? A hummingbird chirping at me from the fir tree next to my home. I was a bit startled. I couldn’t even see the ground in front of me without the flashlight. Next thing I know I hear the familiar cadence of “Drink! Drink! Drink!” (well, actually, “chirp, chirp, chirp” but the bird only does that at the feeder, so…) coming from the bird as it sampled a cold one at the bar. Hummingbirds can see the feeder even in the pre-dawn hour. I never knew that. By my calculation, that means a bird can possibly drink up to 15 hours a day. My sermons on sobriety have obviously not taken hold on their moral conscience. I wonder if they have jobs…
  2. …that when there is shadow, and you’re standing in it, everything around you seems dark. Here’s my spiritual analogy of the morning. I went into the bathroom to wash my hands at 6 a.m. but left the light off. I figured that the light on in the kitchen was good enough and it filtered into the bathroom, so why waste electricity? However, as I reached my hands into the shadows of the sink, my hands disappeared from view. So did the water I turned on. I could feel but I could not see! I then thought of all those times of darkness in my life, times when I could not see around me because I was living in a great big emotional or spiritual shadow. I could feel… a lot… but my perception was clouded by… well, the clouds. This is the way it is when we are going through tough times, I figure. We look around but all we see is shadow, depression, darkness. There is no humor that can bring us cheer, no sermon that can set us right. But what we, in our down feeling, miss is that there can be no shadow unless there is also a light! If we seek out the light, the darkness disappears and things around us become clearer. But are you willing to seek the light? Am I? Or are we content to wallow in the shadow, where we cannot see very well but we can most certainly feel. Just a thought brought on by washing hands…
  3. …that I really don’t like major life decisions. I could do any one of a million things in life right now, thanks to external circumstance, but I’m afraid to actually do just about all of them. My behavior type is that of an “engineer” with “commander” tendencies. I like to plan and build and structure. But I hate how long it takes me to do it! Some people I know can charge forward into decisions without a whole lot of debate. Others are just team players, waiting for someone else to make the decision. I suffer from “paralysis by analysis.” I will shop for something for three months, leaving no stone un-turned, and then guilt myself into not buying it because it costs money. Yeah. Decisions.

Well, it’s 7:45 a.m. now and I’ve been up for four hours. Since my Meniere’s Disease symptoms go wild the less sleep that I have, it’s time to lie down again…

Be God’s.